Comments on okieinthecity: On Becoming a Poem

Thanks, D.

2011-04-16T18:38:59.612-04:00

Thanks, D.

it really is a poem to be read aloud! thanks for t...

2010-03-01T16:17:22.343-05:00

it really is a poem to be read aloud! thanks for the pointer.

Thanks, Rona. I know you're not a huge fan of...

2010-02-21T13:26:18.006-05:00

Thanks, Rona. I know you're not a huge fan of poetry, so it makes me happy when something strikes a chord with you.

I really love this.

2010-02-21T01:15:21.728-05:00

I really love this.

Good ole Seamus. Glad he's still around. We...

2010-02-20T18:19:43.733-05:00

Good ole Seamus. Glad he's still around. We've lost a lotta good poets recently.

This is great! The stanza set up reminds me of Sea...

2010-02-20T18:11:38.474-05:00

This is great! The stanza set up reminds me of Seamus Heaney; how he mimics his poetry with the shape of the poem. It looks like a baloon deflating and falling/spinning/zig-zagging towards the ground. Super.

Thank you thank you.

2010-02-18T13:26:46.641-05:00

Thank you thank you.

This is awesome, Kyle.

2010-02-18T12:56:05.149-05:00

This is awesome, Kyle.

poetry. I think I have some limited Dr. Seuss ski...

2010-02-12T11:29:32.493-05:00

poetry. I think I have some limited Dr. Seuss skills, but that's it!

Thanks, Dani. Thank you very much for reading and...

2010-02-10T15:28:38.285-05:00

Thanks, Dani. Thank you very much for reading and commenting. You know how nice it is to receive comments.

I'm curious, what sort of thing?

You're very good at this sort of thing.

2010-02-10T15:14:14.708-05:00

You're very good at this sort of thing.

Steven: d'ya see the update? Thanks, Andrew. ...

2010-02-08T14:36:53.659-05:00

Steven: d'ya see the update?

Thanks, Andrew. I wrote the first half very quickly and didn't want to write anymore because I really liked it. I still think it can use some sprucing, but I'm happy with this gem outta nowhere.

CP: Thank you and thanks for reading.

OMG: Thank you for always reading, even if I bug you to do so sometimes. :)

Even better on the second read through.

2010-02-07T21:42:38.434-05:00

Even better on the second read through.

Gorgeous

2010-02-06T19:09:43.351-05:00

Gorgeous

I like how open this poem is. And I like the imag...

2010-02-06T17:49:55.579-05:00

I like how open this poem is. And I like the image that I have now.

I love the musical language, and the cetain sounds...

2010-02-06T15:14:34.760-05:00

I love the musical language, and the cetain sounds in proximity (skull and skin, balloon, translucent, diffusion, become, and swelling). Also the near iambic rhythm in the five lines carries well. It makes the point where the rhythm changes (by a diffusion), poignant. Your diving point (the place that sucks the reader through black hole) is proabably there. Great start!