Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Autumn's Effort

What longing pains this tree
to reach with venous limbs,
to perspire handspans of orange light!

Does all aching for divinity
wrench desire into falling fire?


13 comments:

  1. Better.Very well Mr. Okie :) Good thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. No, this is beautiful! I like the leaves resembling fire. I like the longing for divinity. It put a passion inside my chest, to go outside and stare at my empty tree in front of the porch and imagine if the tree could talk. I'm sure it would be similar to your Autumn Effort. I like it...I like Autumn so there are nostalgic feelings intertwined in this work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is hot! I love it. You could keep going, or leave it complete like this--both would work.

    As it is now, this sears the heart with an Okie shaped brand, while Rilke, and others hold the handle. I think i like it that way.

    How do you feel about it?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yep. Love your poetry. Publish!! Hey, maybe I can help you set up a pre-publication thing??

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks All!

    Steven: I think it's done as is. I'm entirely satisfied. It's a poetic axiom. I'd probably want more as a reader, but I can only mess this up with edits.

    David: I don't think I have enough poetry to constitute a publishable collection.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is fanTASTic! It honestly makes my insides hurt, it's so lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Speechless. I am. Unable to form complete sentences. This makes me feel post-coital.

    TMI?

    I don't think I've read better from you yet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like that there's humanity and the supernatural both found in the natural. Great stuff.

    The first three lines are a haiku if you move the "to"s and remove "handspans of" and "what." (I wouldn't recommend that though.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am also speechless. You are a true poet.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes! That's it.

    In fact, you've inspired me -

    As I search the Web for life in this electronic ether,
    I have to look no further than for "okie" in my Google Reader.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha. Thanks, Sundance. And nice meter!

    And thanks all who commented, I'm really pleased by this poem and happy you all enjoyed it, also.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow. This one is not only beautiful but overall well done. What an excellent use of punctuation and description. I like how it's very concise-- leaves you wanting more while twisting different thoughts and images in your head.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love it! Concise and very descriptive...Perfect...coming from the little boy who liked to play with fire.

    ReplyDelete