Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Slow Walkers

I told my wife: "It's frustrating to walk behind slow walkers. There are only three types of people who walk slowly in New York: children, the mentally ill, and tourists."

Even the old and fat walk fast in New York. And the children don't technically walk slow, they just get distracted and stop and zig zag and detour.

With so little sidewalk space and so many people, New Yorkers just want efficient travel. It's a simple courtesy to pick up the pace.

My wife said: "I know, and what I hate most is walking behind mentally ill, child tourists."


  1. The "three in one" is the ultimate walking opponant.

  2. I think you can now take the "okie" out of your title. Ha!

  3. HAHAHA! I agree. You are officially a New Yorker. And want to hear a REALLY funny discourse on New York walkers? It's on this guy's blog...let me see if I can find it again...

  4. Happy New Year, from Gail and me both. Hope you had a lovely time.

  5. You know what else I hate? Frenetic, crazy arm walkers. For reals - if they would stop swinging their arms like a helicopter I might be able to pass them.

    Hope you had an awesome holiday on the East Coast. Bring on the -14 wind chill.

  6. I must disagree with you there, Okie. I find children the easiest to get around (mentally ill or not) due to their relatively small size and the ability to just bowl right over them if necessary. I'm with you on the tourists, though, who also tend to be fat and walk 3 to 6 ABREAST on the sidewalk. Or the ones who stop at the top or bottom of the subway stairs. i think there should be a new PSA: New Yorkers are only rude to stupid, fat, slow-walking, blocking-the-subway-stairs tourists.

    also the crazy-arm walkers. seriously. seriously.

  7. Hehehehehehehe... thanks for the chuckle -- priceless!

  8. This is a follow-up:

    Though, fellow city dweller, there is much to say about actually taking the time to "Stroll." Drink deep the beauty of the city -- or wherever you are. After all, the person who lives life at high speed with their eyes forever locked straight ahead at the ground in front of them... well, to quote Ferris Bueller: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while -- you could miss it."

    My reccomendation is for you and Mrs. Okie to go dicing. Thia is a trick I've picked up during the course of my travels... To "dice" is to wander about the city and get – essentially – lost. Do this often enough, and you see it all. All you need is a pair of garden variety; pick ‘em up at any convenience store, six-sided dice. (Mine happen to glow in the dark, as my tendency is to dice, toss or roll after hours.)
    Try this on your next day off: Pull out your dice, give them a quick shake and toss them on the ground in front of you. How they land depends on what you do. For instance, you toss your dice and they line up left to right, three and five. From wherever you are, you’d go left for three blocks, turn right and walk for five -- all the while doing whatever you’re doing and taking note of landmarks as they happen.
    If, on the next toss, the dice line up head to toe, you’d then total them up and walk that many blocks forward. On the rare occasion that you run out of blocks before making your count (like you hit a large body of water or come to the edge of a cliff or something), you “bounce back” how ever many blocks you had left, and then toss anew. However you wanna spin it, it’s the only way to really see the city – just as long as you’re not on any kind of schedule.

    Peace, bro!

  9. Sounds about right!