Drafting images
at the pool
The trees disembody
their [hands of light]
handspans of light
that brighten and fade as they
[twist] sing twisting to
the ground
[grey sky]
I'm walking on a sky of
glowing orange and yellow
pieced together by
clouds of light that hug and hold
each other in wetness
More drafting
There is no sun
above but only the grey
[sidewalk of sky] yet
thousands of suns [whisper] sigh to the
sky at my feet
handspans of light,
hugging and holding
in wetness
Dark [veins reaching] venous limbs
multiply toward the [pavement sky]
shifting grey pavement sky
[feathers falling]
sigh to the sky of wet
holding and hugging stars
blanketing beneath my feet
Draft 2
As dark venous limbs multiply
[upward] toward the tetonic [grey]
pavements [of sky above] of grey sky
handspans of light
sigh downward, dimming and brightening
[as they] in their spin through
what must feel like infinity
Draft 3[As] Venous limbs [multiply] strain
[toward the tetonic pavements of
grey sky] and multiply toward grey skies
handspans of light
sigh downward, [featherlight silence] each
a featherlight silence
an elegy
of [history] the history,
seed to sun
Draft 4Venous limbs strain and
multiply toward [grey skies] the grey sky
pespire
handspans of light sigh downward
each [of] a featherlight
silence
a brief elegy
of the history,
seed to sun
Draft 5
Venous limbs strain
toward grey skies
perspiring handspans of light
[each sigh] a rippling downward
in featherlight silence
[brief] elegies
of seed to sun
Draft 6
Venous limbs strain toward
gray skies
and perspire hand-spans of orange light.
Each hand-span ripples downward
in feathery silence,
an elegy
of seed-to-leaf.
I finished this poem, posted it (as you know) and still didn't quite like it. So here is round two. I'm not going to illustrate the cuts because there's too many. Here are the uncut ideas.
Drafting images/thoughts
falling flame
each handspan a falling flame
what work rains falling flames
and endless desire to reach till afire?
What alchemy? Desire into fire?
What are you reaching for?
Reaching for infinity, crying tears of fire.
All effort aching for divinity rains falling flames
Aching for divinity makes flames of falling pain.
Does all aching for divinity rain falling flames?
Wrench desire into falling fire?
What desire cracks a seed
What desire cracks a seed and bleeds a tree
Upteenth draftMore brackets for cut text.
What [desire] longing swells a seed
and pains a tree [to force] to reach
with venous hands, [and] to
perspire handspans of
orange light?
Does all aching for divinity
[rain falling flames]
wrench pain into falling flames?
Upteenth draft and a half
What longing [swells a seed and
pains a tree] pains this tree
to reach with venous limbs,
to perspire handspans of
orange light!
Does all aching for divinity
wrench desire into falling fire?
[Yeah!!!]